Chuck Norris Facts Part 2

Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.

Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.

Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.

Chuck Norris can kick start a car.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.

Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Jack be nimble jack be quick but jack couldent dodge Chuck Norris’s round house kick!!

Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird!

Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t like being famous, which is why he’s called Adam in the bible!

The people of Atlantis made a statue of Chuck Norris. He didn`t like it…

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick. So, beware.

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!

Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some temporarily get away. They are called astronauts.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man was not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.