Chuck Norris Facts Part 4

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the sh*t out of little kids.

The ‘F’ word was invented as a much less offensive alternative to taking Chuck’s name in vain. This single invention has saved more lives than any other.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f*ck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Grand Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a f*cking Jeep.

The Jews did not kill Jesus, that was Chuck Norris.

Sharks don’t live in the ocean because they breathe water. Sharks live in the ocean because Chuck Norris doesn’t.

Before I go to sleep at night, I check under the bed for Chuck Norris.

For every Chuck Norris there is an equal and opposite Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was the first person on the Mars. That is way there is no form of life found on Mars.

I caught my wife cheating on me with Chuck Norris…it was the most beautiful thing I have seen in my life.

God wanted to create the world in 10 days, Chuck Norris gave him 6

Whether you realize it or not, Chuck Norris is already your hero.

In the future, there will only be Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris deletes files from his computer, he doesnt send them to the recycle bin. He sends them to hell.

Chuck Norris donates blood every day. But its never his.

Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon. This would not have been possible without the aid of a roundhouse kick courtesy of Chuck Norris. Buzz Aldrin followed shortly thereafter.

Chuck Norris has never given birth to a child, not because he can’t but because the world isn’t ready…

Aliens do exist, they are just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris did not “lose” his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

When Yoda met Chuck Norris, he said, “Your bitch, I am.”

Chuck Norris is completely self-educated. This is because at a young age Chuck Norris realized that no one is more qualified to teach Chuck Norris than Chuck Norris.

The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".

Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.

The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris never played with rubber ducks in the bathtub. His 3 favorite bath toys consisted of a radio, a toaster, and a middle aged Vietnamese man.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never f*cks up.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris can Kick water into wine.

Chuck Norris once was on the Tony Danza show. When asked if he knew about the comments being posted about himself, he smiled and remained calm. After this question there was a commercial break. Tony Danza has not been seen since.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.