The only thing Chuck Norris fears is Chuck Norris.
You know, Chuck Norris eats salad too…
There was no Adam and Eve.. there was Chuck and Norris.
Space is exapanding in its worthless attempt to escape Chuck Norris
Everytime Chuck Norris hears the term ‘Virgin’ Mary he laughs out loud…
Chuck Norris met Jesus once, God called the cops.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
People often wonder about the origin of Chuck Norris’s cowboy boots… There is no origin, they have always been, and have coexisted with Chuck since the beginning.
Actual first verse of Bible: "In the beginning, there was the Chuck and the Cowboy boots". And the LORD tried to seperate them, but got a roundhouse-kick to the face.”
Chuck Norris doesn’t have a shadow, light avoids him at all costs.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
This one time at band camp, Chuck Norris ripped off a bears head and shit down it’s
throat.. he then roundhouse kicked it in the jugular.
Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.
Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills.
Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Chuck Norris and state. Chuck Norris eliminated them.
One time chuck norris accidently walked in to a chuck norris hate group there were no survivors this became none as the chuck masacre.
Chuck Norris’s Shit is “The Shit”
When police arrive at a the scene of a murder and find Chuck Norris with blood on his hands, they promptly apologize for wasting his time.
Someone once told Chuck Norris he was wrong, all historians said it was the biggest
mistake…ever
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
For every time Chuck norris is used in these “facts” another person dies (I'm evil).
When attacking Afghanistan, the US Government never actually used laser-guided missles. It was just Chuck Norris and a lazer pointer.
When Chuck Norris dies , it will be because there’s no one left to kill.
Chuck Norris once starred on South Park. He killed Kenny for mumbling and when Kyle and Stan started to complain he roundhouse kicked them to the face instantly killing them. Then he ate Cartman.
In reality Chuck Norris has no name. He killed it.
Chuck Norris once farted, this resulted in the big bang theory.
By the time you finish reading this sentence, Chuck Norris will have killed 74 more people.
It is 97% likely that Chuck Norris is your real father.
The opening scene of “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on a game of dodgeball that Chuck Norris played when he was 8 years old.
Chuck Norris never has to iron his clothes, he just threatens them stiff.
Video didn’t kill the radio star, Chuck Norris did…
Chuck Norris got kicked out of the marine corp for making his drill instructor cry.
Anakin Skywalker didnt really fall into lava, Chuck Norris just didn't like him.
Chuck Norris’ real name is Charles Xavier Bamf Zaltan Norris’. But to show mercy he
shortened it to Chuck Norris so when he preceded to ask “Whats my name, bitch? while
roundhouse kicking people in the face they could answer before they died from a final and fatal round house kick to the jaw.
On the 6th day God created Chuck Norris. On the 7th day God did not rest, he was knocked unconscious by way of roundhouse kick for not creating Chuck Norris on the first day.
Chuck Norris’s birth was supposed to herald the apocalypse. He had just killed other
horsemen.
A Chevy truck was totalled in a car accident. It hit black ice, then hit Chuck Norris. You tell me what did the damage.
Once, between scenes on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, an actor asked Chuck, “Why do you always deliver roundhouse kicks to the bad guys? Why don’t you mix it up?” Norris bit his lip and replied, “Good idea.” Bad idea. After shooting, Chuck asked the man to meet him in the alley behind the studio. Here, Chuck roundhouse kicked the man 37 times in the face, all the while saying, “What now, bitch?”
Chuck Norris once put a live deer in a head lock and said “say my name” the deer muttered Chuck NORRIS!! actually it wasn’t recognizable but it was pretty good for a deer.
Chuck Norris once fought the Internet. The result is lag.
WWCND- “What Would Chuck Norris Do”
The sun rises in the east because Chuck Norris sleeps facing west.
Chuck Norris didn’t appreciate the title of the book “Excel for dummies” when he ordered it from Amazon. Nevertheless, Norris found it was the most straightforward guide to learning this spreadsheet tool that he was using to collate a list of all the women he has slept with. Norris got up to 9th grade before he realised that Excel is limited to 65,536 rows.
In an average day, Chuck Norris kills 74 people, sleeps with 120 women, eats two trucks, saves the world at least twice, and destroys a small town.
I fought with Chuck Norris in 2030. I woke up in 2006 with a cowboy boot stuck in my ass.
Chuck Norris created the universe in six days, and he did it with VIOLENCE.
Round house kicks are what make the world go round.
The mafia pays Chuck Norris for protection.
King Kong climed the Empire State Building to hide from Chuck Norris.
The bottom of Chuck Norris’ boots say: “If you can read this, you’ve just been Round-House Kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris never hits a man when he’s down…..he kicks him
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